He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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