Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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