I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
40s are totally the cure
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
