she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
