I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Blood and glitter go together right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
