got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
