The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
