Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
