I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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