I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize