I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
