Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
