dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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