i need an iv and a liver transplant
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
