I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
