She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize