Buhtt sex?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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