Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
