I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
