My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
