I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
