i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
