btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
