Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
