I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
