the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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