I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
