she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
