I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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