Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
