I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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