By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
