I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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