dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize