someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
