apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
