My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
