aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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