New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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