what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
