Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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