i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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