Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
