i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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