We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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