I CAN MOONWALK!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
