When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
