he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize