We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
