Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize