WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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