We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
