sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
