I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
