I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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