The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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