i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
