It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
