how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
