he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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