and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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