Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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