I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
