Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
