reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
