I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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