why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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