hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
