he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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