her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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