period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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