I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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