Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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