Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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