I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
