My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
