Just cropdusted the office
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She needs sedatives and a leash
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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