You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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