I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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