Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
