Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
