Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
