Already got asked if we're dating
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
