I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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