you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize