does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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